By Michele Murphy
My now 17-year old son, Kevin, started stuttering around the time he began talking at age 3. His older brother, Sean, was around 4-1/2 years of age at the time, and was a model of fluency and advanced articulation skills. So when our pediatrician told us that Kevin’s delayed speech was because his brother spoke for him and he didn’t need to talk, that made sense. And when the pediatrician said that Kevin would grow out of his stuttering, that made sense too. So in those critical years from 3 to 7 years of age, we did nothing but listen to the ill-informed, ill-advised and patently wrong advice of our well-intentioned but stuttering-ignorant pediatrician.
Our next big mistake in dealing with Kevin’s stuttering was in taking adequate comfort from the fact that he was seeing various elementary school speech therapists. We naively thought that every school speech therapist would know whatever was needed to effectively deal with speech disorders such as stuttering.
The next blunder actually led us towards a path that has been most successful for Kevin.
By age 12, it was apparent that Kevin wasn’t going to outgrow stuttering, and the school speech therapy was not helping. So when we heard about an experimental fluency technique using a bio feedback device we jumped at it and brought Kevin for a tryout. I remember my airflow cutting off when the speech pathologist conducting the trial run said that Kevin was one of the few persons that did not experience any greater fluency while using the device. It came as an even greater blow when he stated that Kevin was one of the most severe stutterers he had ever seen.
That was one of the lowest points of my life. I was wracked with guilt (I must have somehow caused this awful disorder) and despair (what kind of life would Kevin have ahead of him if he couldn’t even express himself). In closing, the therapist suggested we contact Temple University in Philadelphia, where the speech-language pathology department had significant experience dealing with stuttering.
When we took Kevin to Temple for a consultation, it was the first time I really came to terms with the severity of his stuttering. I sat behind a one-way mirror and watched in horror as my son blocked severely on almost every word. The tears that I had been holding back for years came cascading over my eyelashes.
There was some good news, however. The speech therapist who interviewed Kevin was really impressed by Kevin’s self esteem and sense of humor in the face of his severe stuttering. They strongly recommended private speech therapy with a speech pathologist experienced in dealing with stutterers.
Kevin soon began weekly speech therapy sessions with a well known speech pathologist who specializes in stuttering. Kevin gained a lot of fluency in the therapy sessions, but even more important, he started on the path towards becoming an expert on his own stuttering, and really connected with his therapist on an interpersonal level.
Two years later, we moved to Utah. Within months, Kevin had lost what fluency he had gained and was at an all-time high level of disfluency. That’s when I heard a radio advertisement for the National Stuttering Project, the nation’s largest support organization for people who stutter. After a phone call to the NSP’s (now NSA) national office, Kevin and I signed up for the NSP’s Annual Convention in Denver that year.
What happened at that first convention is almost impossible to put into words. Suffice it to say that Kevin and I both experienced a turning point in our lives. I was able to shed the guilt that I had somehow caused Kevin’s stuttering, and accept the realization that neither could I “fix” it. I became part of a support group of other parents of children who stutter that has been a lifeline to me ever since. And I started my journey to becoming educated on the subject of stuttering.
With more than 400 people who stutter in attendance, Kevin truly came to know and understand that he is not alone in dealing with his stuttering. He also continued his journey of gaining the education necessary to become an expert in his stuttering. Most importantly, Kevin began friendships with renowned speech pathologists, adults who stutter and youth who stutter that are his lifeline.
At that first NSP convention, we also met a speech-language pathologist from Utah who specializes in stuttering. Kevin has been in treatment with him for several years and has profited enormously. Kevin also attended the Successful Stuttering Management Program (SSMP), a three-week intensive stuttering program, two summers ago. We also have remained active in the NSP, and in three years Kevin hasn’t missed a single local NSP meeting or national convention.
This combination of appropriate speech therapy, participation in the NSP and an intensive speech therapy program such as the SSMP has placed and kept Kevin on the best possible course for dealing effectively with his stuttering. Yes, Kevin still stutters, sometimes even severely, but he has tools that enable him to communicate better and he does not carry the psychological burden that often accompanies stuttering. In short, his pain and mine over his stuttering are gone. In its place is knowledge, understanding, acceptance and a family of NSP members who love and support us.
In hindsight, what would I have done differently? I would have educated myself about stuttering as soon as Kevin began to experience it. There are many sources of information, especially on the web, including the NSP and the Stuttering Foundation of America’s web sites. Next, at the age of three, and for as long as necessary, I would have arranged private speech therapy for Kevin from a speech-language pathologist with successful experience in treating children who stutter.
If we continued with school speech therapists, I would have worked to get Kevin the same type of appropriate speech therapy through the school system. Finally, I would have had Kevin participate in the NSP at an earlier age.
Knowing what I know now, if that had been done, Kevin might truly have “grown out of stuttering” as wrongly predicted by his pediatrician, because of the proven success of early intervention. We do not spend a lot of time regretting that we did not act sooner, however. Kevin is wise, loving and compassionate beyond his years: in part because of his stuttering and not in spite of it. The adversity that he has experienced has helped him to grow in so many beautiful ways.
What’s important, for anyone who stutters, is to get the kind of help Kevin got regardless of age. Early intervention is best, but it is never too late!
… MICHELE MURPHY IS AN NSA MEMBER AND AN ATTORNEY IN SALT LAKE CITY UTAH. THIS PIECE FIRST APPEARED IN ADVANCE FOR SPEECH LANGUAGE PATHOLOGISTS.
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